Sing

I miss my girl. I know I've said this before, but I feel like she's slipping away from me and I don't know where she is. I miss playing games with her and hearing her squeal and laugh. I miss hearing her coo and seeing her smile. I know this is a side effect of the medication, but when I see her so exhausted, still, and staring off into the distance, it feels like my heart is being ripped out and shredded. There's a constant physical pain in my chest that doesn't go away.

Today as I was talking with the Lord about this, I felt Him say to my heart, "If you never get her back, will you still love Me?" I know Grace is going to be healed, but even if she isn't, I will still love Jesus Christ. The reason? Because Grace is not my world. I do not live for this world or the things or people who are in it. Yes, the people that I love and adore make up a part of my world, but they are not the end. Jesus is my world. He is the One I live for.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and when they were about to be thrown into a blazing furnace to be burned alive for refusing to worship false gods. This is what they said: “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18.

I believe our enemy (Satan) is trying to take Grace from us through her mind. I know that God is going to deliver her. But even if He doesn't, I will not bow down to the gods of fear, self-pity, doubt, unbelief, or bitterness. I will trust the Lord, because He is good and His mercy endures forever. His heart is good toward our family and He is for us. Romans 8:31-32 says, "What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

One of my favorite pictures of Grace, taken the night before we checked into the hospital.

Below are the lyrics and link to a song God has used in my life these past couple of weeks (thanks to my awesome sister for sending it to me).
http://s0.ilike.com/play#Josh+Wilson:Before+the+Morning:143556922:s56102032.13624421.6749593.0.2.287%2Cstd_0de82357ccc346728181ad9cad11a748http://s0.ilike.com/play#Josh+Wilson:Before+the+Morning:143556922:s56102032.13624421.6749593.0.2.287%2Cstd_0de82357ccc346728181ad9cad11a748

BEFORE THE MORNING - JOSH WILSON
Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

- Michelle